i cant slp.

Now when i see my room, the wall is painted by my uncle and his friend, the colour chosen by me. The clothes stand and pc r bought by my uncle. the bed and most of the furniture are bought by my aunt. The only thing contributed by me is my new bedsheet and cluster of bags in a corner and clothes on the stand. And i've been earning 1k for at least 6 months. What have i contributed to my family? Nothing much.

Last Sunday, i had a good talk with my dad, doing some catching up abt my bro. Then he mentioned abt he himself being down with sickness and stuff abt being the pillar of the family. Over the years, my grandma has always been the main pillar of this family, holding the family together. Much has happened between her children in the past and if not for her prescene, this family would have been segregated, really becoming a nuclear family---a norm in this society. Yes, i know about the past, i hear, i enquire. I just seem to be the only one in this generation the upper generation can relate to. My bro just wont give a damn abt whatever happened in the past. Maybe one day i should just pen all the events down and pass it to the next generation. She's 70 this year. And time is precious. Yet i still see myself raising my voice at her whenever she reminds me to sleep early. Nasty right? i want to tell my family i love them but i just cant say it out. Not even write. So embarrassing!

It sometimes really make me ponder abt how men's view of money can destroy their friendship or even kinship. After you have painstakingly saved up 10 000, you lent it to yr friend who's in need of money. The money's gone somewhere and he hasnt enough to pay u back by the time that he said he would return by. Would you mind? Would u think that he's trying to take advantage of you? Or would u genuinely think that he would return the full amt to u someday?
The news always say "prepare to write off the transaction whenever u lent someone money". I duno how true this would be in the future society. Now, our generation is already (generally) very selfish abt our own money. Many dont give their parents much.. or even a tinge of it. like me la. What more in the future?

ok my eyes r tired finally. i wanna type somemore but i guess another time ba. nights!